Part I: Fail Your Way To An Authentic Life
“Talen, you’re crazy.”
That’s a phrase I have heard more times than I can remember. At first, it stung. Why would I want to be labeled as a crazy person?! Some people would simply chuckle light-heartedly as they breathed those words, but others would say it with disgust and disappointment, for they believed I was clearly wasting my time and God-given potential just running around the world. That I simply could not be happy because I was “running away from my problems.” The amount of times I have now heard that phrase is laughable. But in their minds, I had lost it. I have always lived a very unorthodox life. For as long as I can remember I have skipped to the beat of my own drum and paved my own path, typically in the very opposite direction of where the majority is going. I seem to go where I want, do what I want, and dress how I want, despite what others think. It’s not that I don’t respect others’ opinions; I do. I just respect my own opinion of myself more. No one else’s voice is allowed in my head but mine. There is something about “fitting in” that makes me cringe. It is similar to when someone asks me to sell a product that I don’t believe in, but I will make a pretty penny (and I see this all the time). Don’t see the problem with this picture? You compromise your Soul. You may gain the money, but you lose your dignity. You lose your Power of Belief. For what doth it profit a man if he gain the world but lose his soul? Right? (Mark 8:36 for all you Bible bashers out there). Unfortunately in our modern society, A LOT of people use many tactics to bribe one to compromise on their dreams and true path, and to accept a life of safety, mediocrity and misalignment. I am here to help people recognize and break this toxic pattern.
I didn’t come here to fit in. I came here to be my authentic higher self which always results in standing out because there is only one You. And in the words of the wonderful Brene Brown, “The opposite of belonging is fitting in.” True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are. True belonging is belonging first to yourself. To unapologetically be your authentic self. And true connection to others is then the result of authenticity. Unfortunately, in our current projected society, to be your authentic self you have to pay a certain emotional price to escape the system and break the subconscious patterns of simply being a mindless puppet and a rusty ole’ cog in the machine.
When you go against the typical status quo and what is “accepted”, you WILL face quite the backlash. One of which is being labeled as crazy. Irresponsible. Delusional. Overly idealistic. A dreamer. People will use fear tactics to coerce you back to the path that society thinks you SHOULD (Dave Asprey calls this a weasel word – avoid at all costs) follow. Society can consist of your parents, your religion, your employer, your friends, and sometimes even your spouse. Society will convince you that you ought to fear failure. That if you fail, that means you are a failure. People may even try to smear your reputation in order to make themselves feel better. Trust me on this one, I’ve experienced this one too many times, and it makes me sad that people do indeed resort to this tactic. REMEMBER THIS BRUTAL TRUTH: Your personal transformation threatens others. If someone settled in life and compromised their dreams, or if they aren’t living an honest life, seeing others take the leap towards an authentic life is threatening. It reminds them of what they didn’t pursue (even though they still can. It is never too late), but they let fear win. It holds them accountable because they can no longer justify and makes excuses of why they aren’t being truly honest with themselves. When you start to unfold your authentic self, you become a wild card. And wildcards are unpredictable. That scares most people. Why? Because humans feel safe when they are in control. When they live in certainty. Control is power, and humans have always desired and fought to maintain power. And when you go against the “rules” of society, people can no longer control you through limited beliefs and social expectations, therefore they lose power. You are truly free. So the only way for society to reclaim power over you is to try and suppress and silence you and bring you back down to their level so you behave how you SHOULD in society. So that you fit in. Because you know what happens when you don’t fit in? You stand out. People notice you. And when eyes start to move towards you, you capture attention. Where attention goes, energy flows. Therefore, that attention then becomes power. Power to make a difference. Interesting huh? Now you understand why society does NOT want you to stand out.
I am well aware that in order to live your authentic life, you have to go through a transformation. And most often this will always include some level of pain (such as the labels, criticism, loss of relationships, etc.). In order to transform, a.k.a. growth and progression as a result of self healing, you will have to step away from societal norms, rules and expectations. When it comes to transformation, pain is the best teacher. As I sit in this ghetto library near the coast of California writing this and reflecting back on my life and all the experiences I have had, I will gladly accept any and ALL of those labels and the pain and failure I had to push through. Living my own life and going against the system has allowed me to live a beautiful life that has left me deeply emotional and filled me with overflowing joy, gratitude and fulfillment.
But how is that possible that you are happy Talen? You ‘FAILED’ according to society. For example:
I dropped out of college (BYU) where I was studying pre-med to become an Anesthesiologist (and I had a high GPA) with only 1 semester left. WHAT!? You are crazy Talen. Foolish.
My marriage was a failure. I was married and divorced within 1 year. Pathetic, right? Or so they say.
I left a cush, lucrative and affluent job where I was known as the “sales prodigy” (that was my nickname) which I had built up over multiple years with hard work, and I left it to pursue what set me on fire. And I exited with zero. Nothing to show for it. Stupid move huh? Completely selfish and negligent.
I then committed complete career suicide by leaving HUGE gaps in my resume to travel the world and immerse myself in challenging and diverse experiences. Never gonna get that dream 9-5 corporate job now. Damn.
On top of sabotaging my ‘career’, I donated ALL of my money I had left to the Monastic community, which left me to survive on the streets, completely broke and homeless. What a waste of my beautiful strengths and talents right? Unless of course there was meaning and purpose behind the challenge. Was there? Read further and you’ll find out.
If you know me, then you know that my mind is always going. I’m a purpose-driven creature. If you were to take an fMRI of my brain, you would see my Neocortex and Thalamus shooting off fireworks as I constantly find myself in a state of imagination. I’m a visionary. You know those Clifton strength tests that you take to see what your top strengths are? Yeah well in my top five are Futuristic, Learner and Strategic. My mind thinks in stories and patterns. In fact, one of my greatest skills is pattern recognition. I can take a massive amount of foreign information in a short period of time, strategically sort through the clutter and find the best routes and methods to condense it into formable systems and methods, and then express it in the form of a story. In other words… I thrive off of being thrown into completely uncertain and unknown environments and cultures, and then strategically finding ways to compile that diverse experience into not only a growing opportunity for myself, but a beautiful story for the world. For me, the process is more exciting than the result.
However, only I know that perspective of my life. What everybody else sees and perceives are just FAILURES. What a ridiculous way of life that Talen kid lives huh? And these failures listed above are only a few of them. There are many, many more!!! Why the exclamation points? Because I say that with pride. I WANT to fail. I intend to fail.
“Yup Talen, you are definitely crazy. You’ve f*ckin lost it.”
Here is how I look at my life. Failure is not an outcome nor a characteristic. It is simply an event. It is part of the process. It is never the end-point and never will be. It’s simply another stop on the train, but unfortunately, instead of staying on the train and failing, aka learning, your way to success, people decide to get off at that stop (failure) and cease to move forward. They dwell in failure. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are experiencing failure which is life’s most gracious gift we can be given. Failure = Accelerated Learning. According to the infamous J.K. Rowling, “it is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”
If you aren’t failing, you aren’t moving fast enough. You are thinking too much. You are being a perfectionist which is simply a negative behavior projected from insecurities. The sooner, quicker, and more often you fail, the more you are going to grow at an exponential scale. You will be breathing in wisdom from experience as your peers are breathing in their vape pen waiting for the weekend to roll around. Once you adopt this mindset that failure is your friend, then the fear dissolves. With the fear of failure out of the way, you can now unapologetically and with courage (not fearlessness… big difference) pursue your OWN path. The reward of which is true belonging, because you chose to belong first to yourself.
I’m trying to build a community here. To establish true authentic connections where people don’t fit in, they belong. I was born with the blessing of having a great level of confidence and assuredness, so let me be your shield. I’m not resilient; I’m antifragile. The more I get attacked, the stronger I become. I’m used to people attempting to sedate me because I’ve gone out on a limb and against the social norms. So if you’re scared to embrace your authentic self and start living a life that makes you feel alive because of what others might think or what things you might lose, use me as your scapegoat. Put all the blame on me for pushing you that way. If it means that you finally wake up and start living a life that sets your Soul on fire, then I will gladly (and with a sanguine smile) stand tall against the fiery darts that will come your way as you summon the courage to take the first step towards the life you want to create. Don’t fall into the trap of being reasonable. Be unreasonable and do what matters to you.
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” — George Bernard Shaw
So, I ASK YOU, whose approval are you waiting for to live the life you want and to create a life of purpose unique to your authentic Soul? Whose permission do you think you need?
I’ll tell you right now. You don’t need ANYBODY’S permission to thrive. Only your own. So stop playing small, you’re not powerless. Trade your victim mentality for accountability, trade the focus of lack in your life for curiosity, and place the cultivation of self-awareness as your top priority. It does not matter at all what others believe about you. Drown out the voices. The only important thing is what you believe about yourself. Self-belief is everything; that is, pure self-belief, not narcissism. But in order to believe in yourself, you have to truly know and trust yourself. Self-worth and self-trust come from doing hard things and doing what you say you will do. So become comfortable with the uncomfortable and start becoming friends with your shadows because your deepest fears are invisible. The only way out is through. Do the inner work and watch the world around you change.
And so, with that being said, for me as I dug deeper into my power and personal transformation, I was still unquenched. Unsatisfied. I wanted to learn and move farther and faster. And I could only think of one specific model in the entire world who could do that, and whom had dedicated their life to understanding the power of true personal transformation, true mastery of the mind, body and spirit; The Monk.
[To be continued in Part II: The Monk And The Mind – Calmness Is Power] - COMING SOON