[PART 1]: TRUSTING THE UNKNOWN & EMBRACING THE VOID1. The Call of the Unknown2. The Leap of Faith đ3. Entering the Void đ4. Wrap-Up đIn the heart of uncertainty lies the seed of transformation. As Joseph Campbell puts it, âThe cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.â
This is a series about the lessons Iâve learned in India and how these experiences have reshaped my understanding of trust, vulnerability, and transformation. Originally, I planned to write a simple â10 Things I Learned in Indiaâ post, throw it on my website, and call it a day. But the deeper I dive into my own transformation, the more I see how interconnected we all are. As it often goes, someone out there is going through something similar to what you are currently experiencing â struggling to make sense of it. And if thereâs one thing India has taught me, itâs that the more open and vulnerable we are, the more people we affect. We are all connected by an invisible thread that weaves effortlessly and magically through each one of our hearts, creating a web of love and belonging. My story is your story. A different flare, a different perspective, a different expression. But the same story. The story of stepping into the unknown and remembering who we really are. This is a story of coming back home to ourselves.
THE CALL OF THE UNKNOWN
For the last six months, I have been asking myself this question: how can I be of the greatest service to humanity?
This series is going to be a very real, raw opening into my journey the past six months of my life (at least a small part of it). My journey of fully letting go of the old version of myself and stepping into the unknown. Spoiler alert: it was f*ckin terrifying. Which fortunately makes for some comically great stories. I've realized that the greatest value I can provide to others is my full presence. My perspectives, my lessons, my failures, my fears, my insecurities, my doubts, my wisdom, my experience, my voice, my art. For much of my life, a deep part of me has tried to fit in. Has tried to measure up to the expectations of the societal structure we unknowingly subscribe to. Be it the education system, religion, family, identity, career, relationships⊠you get the idea. And the more I tried to fit in and contort myself into a box, identity or label, the more life ironically seemed to reject me. These were the beginnings of a series of deep universal lessons that life was teaching me. The first being that everything external is a mirror reflection of our internal state. It is a constant feedback loop that shows us what frequency we are emitting into the world. Life continued to reject me, because I was consistently rejecting my true self. I wasnât fully accepting all of who I was out of a deeper fear of not belonging. Not feeling safe to be âdifferent.â And so the more I continued to hide my authentic self, the more resistance I faced. The more chaos I drew into my life. I would go through phases where I would have this great epiphany, realize the misalignment of my situation, and correct it. I would shift course, make changes and embrace a new path. But that decision was still motivated by fear, external pressure and the need to validate that my existence matters. Ultimately, this would lead me back to where I started. Different path, different location, different players, but still the same core wound.
As I became aware of my inner happenings, I began to observe and notice that the voice in my head was relentless. My inner critic was a master at spotting and pointing out anything that wasnât up to the âstandardâ. So not only was I living a life in and out of alignment of my true self, but I had a subconscious narrative looping over and over that I was never good enough. Despite excelling in many areas of my life and continually growing, I could always do better. Which meant that what I did wasnât enough. And since I was the doer, I created a meaning that I wasnât good enough. I needed to be perfect. So I would double down under the pressure of my inner critic and do more, only reinforcing the belief of lack, scarcity and inadequacy. This created a vicious cycle that trapped me in an invisible mental prison, and I had no idea how to escape. Honestly, I didnât even know I was in it. It was exhausting. I watched as my vitality slowly dwindled. I began to lose all sense of purpose and drive. What was the point? No matter what I accomplished or participated in externally, I remained internally empty and devoid of peace. It sounds depressing and morbid, I know. And it was. It was an extremely confusing time in my life. And the fact that I seemed to be doing everything that I âshouldâ be doing rendered it even more hopeless. I really didnât know where to turn. I had fiercely committed myself to every healing modality under the sun that was available to me:
Traditional & alternative therapy
Detoxification cleanses & long-term fasts
Plant Medicine (a lot of it)
Past life regression
Hypnosis
Immersive breathwork
Courses, retreats, workshops & healing seminars
Astrology, Numerology & Gene Key readings
Reiki healing
Quantum distance healing
Somatic body work & fascial movements
Intuitive massages & deep tissue work
Sweat lodges & ancestral work
Acupuncture & Chinese medicine
Indigenous healings from several tribal elders & medicine men throughout the world
Story work & subconscious reprogramming
Living with Buddhist monks in deep meditation
Journaling & expansive shadow work
And much moreâŠ
And still, I didnât feel whole. What was I missing? This question would be the spark that would eventually catapult me into the underbelly of India.
When I was contemplating on creating this blog series, I was going back and forth on the level of vulnerability I wanted to share. I always want everything I create and express to be empowering and uplifting. I want my work to leave people feeling better about themselves and to feel strong. I want my work and creativity to inspire people. I was also reminded of a simple truth â the fastest way to raise your vibration is to tell the truth.
Itâs not possible to fully articulate where I am now, and my experiences and journey through India without sharing at least a little bit of the darkness that came with it. Darkness and light are two sides of the same coin. And that is the value I want to provide in this series. To perhaps shine some light on someoneâs path who may be leaning more on the dark side of the coin in their life right now. Trust me, I know that side all too well. Iâve spent many years there. No one who is truly living life can escape it. Besides, shadow work is my bread and butter. We are all capable of absorbing any darkness that presents itself to us and alchemizing it into light, joy and peace. It is part of why we are here. To integrate our shadows. To fully accept and embrace ALL of who we are. The dark and the light. To love the parts of us that we deem as unlovable, including the hopelessness, confusion and fear. To step into wholeness, not perfection.
It was in this confusing shadow state, what I like to call the Underworld, when the inspiration to move to India came to me. Again, most things on the outside of my life looked fine. I was sharp. I was working out and eating healthy. I was disciplined. I was staying âproductiveâ and busy. I was extremely committed to my personal healing. Yet internally, I was now out of my realm of knowledge. It seemed like I had literally tried everything when it came to personal development and transformation, and I no longer even knew what I was seeking. I just knew that there was something more. I didnât know what was going on nor how to âfixâ it. I am intentionally putting certain words in quotations to highlight a distorted perspective that we will get into later. I was doing all the ârightâ things, so why did I feel like I was suffocating? If I am being fully honest, I was really unhappy. And that was hard for me to admit. I had everything going for me and all the tools I needed to build a âsuccessfulâ and happy life. Who was I to be unhappy? Stop being a victim, put the emotions aside and just keep trudging forwards, right? When the download came to move to India, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. It wasnât some ideal, vision board dream that I would work towards in the next couple years. It was, âGet ready. Start wrapping things up. You are moving to India in two months.â There was no debating, no questioning, no doubting. It was an inner knowing that this was the next step. There was no voice in my head. It was a pure stream of intuition. Everything that followed after the download was pure fear and overwhelm. It was the beginning of an internal unraveling. And yet, a higher version of myself saw the intricately designed situation for what it was. An opportunity to make another shift. To change course and embrace a new path. To pivot. But this time, it wouldnât be a phase. It wouldnât be a temporary external fix to an internal battle. There was nothing to come back to. I was willing to do anything to break out of the mental prison my ego had created. The drowning feeling of living a life that didnât resonate with my Soul, even though I was told this was the way of life. I couldnât accept it anymore. I now had the necessary fuel, the internal pain, to make a drastic launch in a new direction.
Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. Pain is the gracious guide who often escorts us into the unknown. And this time around, I wasnât being called to dip my toe in the ocean of change and transformation. I was being called to fully let go, to face all of my deepest fears and dive completely into the void.
Reflection:
What is the unknown calling you toward right now? What shift, opportunity, or decision is stirring within you, even if it feels unclear? Have you ever felt that the spaces between certainty and fear hold the key to your next breakthrough?
Much Love,
Talen
COMING UP NEXT:2. The Leap of Faith đFOLLOW ME ON SUBSTACK