

[PART 1]: TRUSTING THE UNKNOWN & EMBRACING THE VOID



  The Call of the Unknown


  The Leap of Faith


  Entering The Void


  Wrap-Up

In the heart of uncertainty lies the seed of transformation. As Joseph Campbell puts it, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”

This is a series about the lessons I’ve learned in India and how these experiences have reshaped my understanding of trust, vulnerability, and transformation. Originally, I planned to write a simple “10 Things I Learned in India” post, throw it on my website, and call it a day. But the deeper I dive into my own transformation, the more I see how interconnected we all are. As it often goes, someone out there is going through something similar to what you are currently experiencing — struggling to make sense of it. And if there’s one thing India has taught me, it’s that the more open and vulnerable we are, the more people we affect. We are all connected by an invisible thread that weaves effortlessly and magically through each one of our hearts, creating a web of love and belonging. My story is your story. A different flare, a different perspective, a different expression. But the same story. The story of stepping into the unknown and remembering who we really are. This is a story of coming back home to ourselves.

1. THE CALL OF THE UNKNOWN

For the last six months, I have been asking myself this question: how can I be of the greatest service to humanity?

This series is going to be a very real, raw opening into my journey the past six months of my life (at least a small part of it). My journey of fully letting go of the old version of myself and stepping into the unknown. Spoiler alert: it was f*ckin terrifying. Which fortunately makes for some comically great stories. I've realized that the greatest value I can provide to others is my full presence. My perspectives, my lessons, my failures, my fears, my insecurities, my doubts, my wisdom, my experience, my voice, my art. For much of my life, a deep part of me has tried to fit in. Has tried to measure up to the expectations of the societal structure we unknowingly subscribe to. Be it the education system, religion, family, identity, career, relationships… you get the idea. And the more I tried to fit in and contort myself into a box, identity or label, the more life ironically seemed to reject me. These were the beginnings of a series of deep universal lessons that life was teaching me. The first being that everything external is a mirror reflection of our internal state. It is a constant feedback loop that shows us what frequency we are emitting into the world. Life continued to reject me, because I was consistently rejecting my true self. I wasn’t fully accepting all of who I was out of a deeper fear of not belonging. Not feeling safe to be ‘different.’ And so the more I continued to hide my authentic self, the more resistance I faced. The more chaos I drew into my life. I would go through phases where I would have this great epiphany, realize the misalignment of my situation, and correct it. I would shift course, make changes and embrace a new path. But that decision was still motivated by fear, external pressure and the need to validate that my existence matters. Ultimately, this would lead me back to where I started. Different path, different location, different players, but still the same core wound.

As I became aware of my inner happenings, I began to observe and notice that the voice in my head was relentless. My inner critic was a master at spotting and pointing out anything that wasn’t up to the ‘standard’. So not only was I living a life in and out of alignment of my true self, but I had a subconscious narrative looping over and over that I was never good enough. Despite excelling in many areas of my life and continually growing, I could always do better. Which meant that what I did wasn’t enough. And since I was the doer, I created a meaning that I wasn’t good enough. I needed to be perfect. So I would double down under the pressure of my inner critic and do more, only reinforcing the belief of lack, scarcity and inadequacy. This created a vicious cycle that trapped me in an invisible mental prison, and I had no idea how to escape. Honestly, I didn’t even know I was in it. It was exhausting. I watched as my vitality slowly dwindled. I began to lose all sense of purpose and drive. What was the point? No matter what I accomplished or participated in externally, I remained internally empty and devoid of peace. It sounds depressing and morbid, I know. And it was. It was an extremely confusing time in my life. And the fact that I seemed to be doing everything that I ‘should’ be doing rendered it even more hopeless. I really didn’t know where to turn. I had fiercely committed myself to every healing modality under the sun that was available to me:

Traditional & alternative therapy
Detoxification cleanses & long-term fasts
Plant Medicine (a lot of it)
Past life regression
Hypnosis
Immersive breathwork
Courses, retreats, workshops & healing seminars
Astrology, Numerology & Gene Key readings
Reiki healing
Quantum distance healing
Somatic body work & fascial movements
Intuitive massages & deep tissue work
Sweat lodges & ancestral work
Acupuncture & Chinese medicine
Indigenous healings from several tribal elders & medicine men throughout the world
Story work & subconscious reprogramming
Living with Buddhist monks in deep meditation
Journaling & expansive shadow work
And much more…

And still, I didn’t feel whole. What was I missing? This question would be the spark that would eventually catapult me into the underbelly of India.

When I was contemplating on creating this blog series, I was going back and forth on the level of vulnerability I wanted to share. I always want everything I create and express to be empowering and uplifting. I want my work to leave people feeling better about themselves and to feel strong. I want my work and creativity to inspire people. I was also reminded of a simple truth – the fastest way to raise your vibration is to tell the truth.

It’s not possible to fully articulate where I am now, and my experiences and journey through India without sharing at least a little bit of the darkness that came with it. Darkness and light are two sides of the same coin. And that is the value I want to provide in this series. To perhaps shine some light on someone’s path who may be leaning more on the dark side of the coin in their life right now. Trust me, I know that side all too well. I’ve spent many years there. No one who is truly living life can escape it. Besides, shadow work is my bread and butter. We are all capable of absorbing any darkness that presents itself to us and alchemizing it into light, joy and peace. It is part of why we are here. To integrate our shadows. To fully accept and embrace ALL of who we are. The dark and the light. To love the parts of us that we deem as unlovable, including the hopelessness, confusion and fear. To step into wholeness, not perfection.

It was in this confusing shadow state, what I like to call the Underworld, when the inspiration to move to India came to me. Again, most things on the outside of my life looked fine. I was sharp. I was working out and eating healthy. I was disciplined. I was staying ‘productive’ and busy. I was extremely committed to my personal healing. Yet internally, I was now out of my realm of knowledge. It seemed like I had literally tried everything when it came to personal development and transformation, and I no longer even knew what I was seeking. I just knew that there was something more. I didn’t know what was going on nor how to ‘fix’ it. I am intentionally putting certain words in quotations to highlight a distorted perspective that we will get into later. I was doing all the ‘right’ things, so why did I feel like I was suffocating? If I am being fully honest, I was really unhappy. And that was hard for me to admit. I had everything going for me and all the tools I needed to build a ‘successful’ and happy life. Who was I to be unhappy? Stop being a victim, put the emotions aside and just keep trudging forwards, right? When the download came to move to India, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. It wasn’t some ideal, vision board dream that I would work towards in the next couple years. It was, “Get ready. Start wrapping things up. You are moving to India in two months.” There was no debating, no questioning, no doubting. It was an inner knowing that this was the next step. There was no voice in my head. It was a pure stream of intuition. Everything that followed after the download was pure fear and overwhelm. It was the beginning of an internal unraveling. And yet, a higher version of myself saw the intricately designed situation for what it was. An opportunity to make another shift. To change course and embrace a new path. To pivot. But this time, it wouldn’t be a phase. It wouldn’t be a temporary external fix to an internal battle. There was nothing to come back to. I was willing to do anything to break out of the mental prison my ego had created. The drowning feeling of living a life that didn’t resonate with my Soul, even though I was told this was the way of life. I couldn’t accept it anymore. I now had the necessary fuel, the internal pain, to make a drastic launch in a new direction.

Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. Pain is the gracious guide who often escorts us into the unknown. And this time around, I wasn’t being called to dip my toe in the ocean of change and transformation. I was being called to fully let go, to face all of my deepest fears and dive completely into the void.

Reflection:

What is the unknown calling you toward right now? What shift, opportunity, or decision is stirring within you, even if it feels unclear? Have you ever felt that the spaces between certainty and fear hold the key to your next breakthrough?

Much Love,

Talen

2. THE LEAP OF FAITH

For the sake of your time, I’ll summarize the next two months that followed. I sold my car, got rid of belongings I realized I didn’t need, packed the essentials that remained into a storage unit, wrapped up final work responsibilities, purchased a one-way ticket to New Delhi, secured a one year visa, said goodbye to family and friends, planned the first month of where and what I would do when I landed, and I left the US. Zero plan beyond the next 30 days. In fact, to be even more open with you, no plan financially either. Logically, it was absurd. Irresponsible. Impulsive. Extreme. Blah, blah, blah. I was so nervous that I had to put mental blinders on to not think about it. My inner critic, the relentless voice in my head, was having a hay-day. Every morning I woke up to an anxious feeling coupled with a stream of incessant intrusive thoughts about what a stupid decision this was. Stupid or not, the decision was made. Even my body was rejecting this change. I felt sick. It was the first time in about seven years that I had a ‘panic’ attack. Every part of me wanted to stay comfortable. Every part of me wanted to play it safe and call off the decision. To continue living in the same place, doing the same things with the same people, even though it wasn’t working. I even began to agree with my own ego that I was crazy. No sane person would do this. And out of all places, F*CKIN INDIA? Like, the most diverse and chaotic country in the world where a quarter of the population lives? Where travelers go for only two weeks and say it was the most dirty, noisy and stimulating place they've been? And I am going to move there? Not to mention I had never been to India. This was the complete unknown. Little did I know at the time, this decision was not only going to shock my system awake, it was going to be an initiation. A full death and rebirth cycle.

Now for context, I am leaving out a significant number of details. For the sake of this series, I want to give you just enough context to paint the picture so you can feel the emotion of the change. So you can put yourself in my shoes and recognize that there are recurring patterns in all stories of personal transformation. We are all interconnected. I am simply a reflection of you, and my story is another version of similar things you have faced, are yet to experience, or may currently be navigating. When we take any considerable leap of faith in life, there is an underlying pattern. Your transformation is unique to you, yet the process has a consistent repeating pattern at each new level of growth.

Life is not linear, it’s more of a spiral. We spiral upwards, coming back around and repeating the process at higher levels of awareness and integrating deeper parts of ourselves. We are often presented with very similar circumstances and relationships over and over to reveal to us where we are not free. To learn lessons we may have missed or avoided that are presenting themselves to us so we can fully reclaim our power and learn and let go. Therefore, the more we push ourselves into the unknown and the discomfort, the more parts of ourselves we meet. We expand. We reclaim more of our power as we continue to push further into the unknown and reveal hidden aspects of ourselves. Our shadows. This is what we would refer to as shadow work. Once we see those aspects, we can then integrate them. This upwards growth requires a continuous letting go of the things that no longer serve us. Who we think we are. Who we think we need to be. Let me explain this from a different angle using an analogy. Just as a rocket releases the rocket boosters to reach escape velocity, overcome gravity and travel into space, we too must let go of certain things in order to truly transform. If a rocket doesn’t reach escape velocity, it will fall back to Earth. Similarly, if we don’t let go of the things that no longer serve us, we continue to fall back into our default state. In order to break free and enter into a new reality, we must build up a certain level of momentum to push through the discomfort in order to emerge into a new reality. A new frontier of life.

As we separate ourselves from baggage that is weighing us down and draining our energy, we increase momentum and literally become lighter, making it easier to rise higher. Initially, this may feel overwhelming. There is always an oppositional force. Just as gravity challenges the rocket from leaving the Earth’s atmosphere, you will face many unique challenges the moment you decide to transform your life. Your body may get sick. You may get a pay raise at the same soul sucking job that you are trying to leave. You may lose friends and family as you begin to change. You may lose money. Your toxic lover who has suddenly found Jesus and wants to make things work again for the eighth time may come back into your life. Whatever the challenge is, just know that it is perfectly designed for you to reveal your deeper fears and limiting beliefs. Each challenge and trigger is an opportunity to observe where you can choose to react out of fear and fall back into comfort and familiarity, or to find renewed strength, courage and a deeper trust in yourself and move through the discomfort and pressure into the unknown. To trust life and know that you deserve better. You deserve to have it all. The challenges are a sign that you are on the right path. The triggers are your medicine. The opposition is the sign before the breakthrough.

Right as I departed to India, the challenges began:

Delayed and missed flights.
Scammed by my taxi driver when I landed.
Catfished by my hotel and taken to a prostitute district in the most dangerous part of New Delhi.
Black mold exposure my first night that would slowly deteriorate me over the next month.
A deep sense of loneliness and that moment of WTF did I just do.
Stranded at the wrong train station at midnight in the middle of India with no service and no English speakers.
And a sum of money (saved for the “unknown duration” of the move) that was supposed to hit my account unexpectedly cancelled.

This all happened within the first two days…

When we take a leap of faith into the unknown, the pressure increases. Just like gravity, the anxiety and fear of the unknown can feel impossible to overcome. Here’s the good news: you don’t need to overcome it. You just need to feel it. You just need to sit with it and hold space for it to show itself. Don’t suppress it. Don’t numb it. Don’t avoid it. Feel all of it and move through it. Day by day. Hour by hour. Sounds simple right? And yet most of us have never actually fully sat with our emotions and our fears. We immediately find something external to cope with the inner turbulence. In order to arrive at a point where we truly trust the unknown, we must establish a relationship with the unknown. We must spend time with it. We must feel it. Observe it. Get close to it. Become intimate with it.

Fear is your friend. Fear is your compass. Fear holds the treasure you seek. Replace your judgement with curiosity. Why is it there? What is it trying to tell you? Fear is simply the messenger.

Reflection:

What things in your life do you need to let go of? What is holding you back from taking that leap of faith and stepping into the unknown? What reoccurring problem is showing up in your life that you can reframe as an opportunity to transform and change?

Much Love,

Talen

3. ENTERING THE VOID

What do I mean by the void?

The void is the stage that comes after you have taken the leap of faith into the unknown. It is a blank canvas that is waiting to be filled with a masterpiece. This is the fertile soil where the seeds are planted. The vast unknown. And this is where real transformation occurs. Sounds poetic, right? Well, it doesn’t always exactly feel like a kumbaya celebration. Here’s a key to navigating and moving through the void: you have to sit in the chaos long enough to establish order. This is where most people turn back. Whether that is turning back to a negative habit, an addiction, a toxic relationship, a comfortable but draining lifestyle – the ego wants safety. And for the ego, the familiar and the predictable equals safety. So when the ego — your mind, your inner critic, that voice in your head — sees that you are about to undergo significant change and embark into the unknown, he is going to lose his shit. And he (or she) will throw every story, fear and limitation at you under the pretense of keeping you safe. In fact, that is the way the mind is designed. It is designed to keep you alive, not help you evolve into your most loving, expansive and fulfilled Self. The separation from what we know and what is familiar can often feel like death. In a way, it is. True transformation isn’t simply an ‘adjustment’ of habits or patterns. True transformation isn’t adopting a new strategy and cutting your hair and changing your profile pic. It is an entire death and rebirth of our identity. Of who we thought we were. We have to be willing to give up what we know in order to make space for possibility. This is terrifying for the ego.

It’s called the void or the unknown for a reason. It is often dark and pathless. Once you move into the void, you are being invited to go within. Who you were no longer exists, but who you are ‘becoming’ (remembering) isn’t fully realized. It is a space of uncertainty, emptiness and pure potential. In order to manifest new things into our life, we first need to clear space. We must clear the mental clutter and let the noise subside. Just as you can’t pour into a full cup, the void asks us to empty our cup and let go of our preconceived notions and beliefs so we may receive. Not having all the answers is where the true magic begins. Confusion is a call to rest deeper into the acceptance of what is.

“It is only after we’ve lost (let go of) everything that we’re free to (receive) do anything.”

– Fight Club

As I traveled deeper into India, I reached a point where everything I once knew quickly vanished, leaving me surrounded by uncertainty. I found myself in a vast, uncharted space – the void — where I felt lost and completely confused. There were no familiar landmarks to guide me, only the raw, unsettling feeling of being completely unmoored. Different languages, smells, customs, religions, ways of thinking and interacting, belief systems, food, transportation systems, body language and social interactions. Literally nothing was familiar to me which catapulted me even further into the void. My physical reality was mirroring back to me the changes of my internal reality. I was moving beyond the familiar into deeper waters.

Now let me make a disclaimer here (and this is the biggest reason as to why I am writing this blog). All of this talk about the void, this entire process, letting go and trusting the Universe – I did not have this mindset six months ago. At all. If I did, I obviously wouldn’t be in India and this story would be very different. I didn’t have someone holding my hand and guiding me through this internal transformation that was occurring, and there sure as hell was no therapist who knew what the f*ck they were talking about when I shared my experiences. They just provided me with strategies and books to read that didn’t seem to help me make sense of my journey. So when everything in my life seemed to be falling apart, I believed it. I started to accept that there was something wrong with me. That I was just flawed, and maybe I would never be able to find the deeper answers I was seeking. Letting go for me was not a graceful process. I did not loosen my grip easily, and my ego was not surrendering without a dogfight.

Once I truly left everything that was familiar and began to let go, there were times when the weight of the void felt so overwhelming I wondered if I would ever find my way out. My very identity was being challenged and was unravelling — quickly. It reached a point where I began to have complex, dark thoughts. My mind and intellect was scrambling to make sense of these uncomfortable shifts. I was being guided deeper and deeper into my own subconscious. The void began to bring up my hidden shadows, layer by layer. Remember how I said earlier that life is a spiral, and we are presented with circumstances and people to help us reveal where we’re not free? India was this process on steroids. Everything was 10x’d and I seemed to be on some accelerated crash course of facing all the parts within myself where I was constrained. The best analogy I can give is the ocean. I found myself caught in a series of violent and powerful crashing waves. As my time in India progressed, I would have small moments, a few hours or a couple days, where I would come up for air in this proverbial ocean. Everything suddenly seemed clear and I could breathe again! I would take a big breath as if temporarily awakened from a nightmare. And then BOOM! The wave would crash again and I would tumble deeper into the ocean, flailing under all the power and pressure, completely disoriented and craving for air. Each wave that arrived was more powerful than the previous and lasted longer. This went on for months. Again, I was being guided to go even deeper into my own subconscious. My past. My karma. My limiting beliefs. My old identity I was shedding. I was being given the opportunity to shine light on my shadows that no longer wanted to stay hidden. The chaos of India was triggering my inner chaos to rise to the surface so I could finally see it, embrace it and let it go. For the first time, I was being introduced to what it means to experience lasting healing and transformation. Not from anything external to remove the pain and ‘brokenness’. But to do the work from the inside out. And let me tell you — it was a battle. I was still reacting from my old programming which was to dig my heels in. Fight. Push harder. Summon more willpower. Resist at all costs. I still wasn’t able to see the full picture of the inner transformation I was undergoing.

At some point I started to accept that this internal process of personal transformation wasn’t ending anytime soon. I was fighting it, and it was draining me. I was becoming more exhausted. Do you know what happens when you fight confusion? When you try to fix something that doesn’t exist? It amplifies. What you resist persists. Once you enter the void you are invited into a deeper acceptance. Into surrender. Surrender was unfamiliar to me. It required giving up control, or should I say the illusion of control. Surrender required me to fully trust in life, which only shone more light on my deeper trust issues I had. I started to get closer and closer to core limiting beliefs and wounds that I wasn’t yet fully aware of. Things that I thought I had ‘healed’ from but were still operating in the hidden corners of my psyche, calling the shots and directing my life unconsciously.

““Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.””

— C.G. Jung

As these moments continued on and I began to see a rhythm and pattern to it, I began to realize that perhaps there was value in just being with the uncertainty, in accepting that sometimes nothing clear happens right away. The experience was teaching me that being lost and confused is not something to fear; it is a necessary part of the journey, a space where gradual letting go begins. In that state of disorientation, I no longer rushed to find answers or solutions. Instead, after many months of fighting and resisting, I allowed myself to simply be present in the confusion. I sat with the emptiness, acknowledging the discomfort and the lack of clarity without trying to force immediate change. It was a slow, gradual process of learning to let go of the constant need for control and understanding.

Sometimes, the journey isn’t about immediate answers — it’s about learning to sit with the unknown and accepting the silence until clarity slowly emerges.

So why am I sharing all of this? Why am I talking about something called the void, and the unknown and internal death and rebirth? I am sharing this because when we have a greater awareness of what is happening, even if we don’t understand WHY it is happening, it can ease the pressure of the unknown. I resisted the process of change and surrender for so long. I exhausted myself until I had no fight left in me. And that was my path. That version of Talen learned best through struggle and suffering. That is what I needed in order to truly wake up to what was available to me. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I wish I knew then what I know now. Healing and integration doesn’t need to be a journey of suffering. It can be fun and joyous. It can be expansive. It can be easy and smooth if we allow it to be and if we choose to expand our awareness of the current happenings. Healing isn’t about fixing anything. There’s nothing to fix, because you’re not broken. Healing is an opening. A softening. A remembering of who you were before the world told you that you weren’t enough. Healing is about coming into wholeness. It is about holding space for and falling in love with ALL of you.

Reflection:

How would your life change if you trusted the unknown as a doorway to expansion rather than something to fear? If you released the need for certainty, what parts of yourself or your path might finally have the space to emerge?

Much Love,

Talen

4. WRAP-UP

For those of you who like to visualize and have a framework, this one is for you. Personal transformation can be broken down into a three-part cycle that repeats at each new level of growth (upwards spiral).

Separation [Leap of Faith]
The Void [The Unknown]
Integration [The Return]

Obviously this is extremely nuanced and different for each person and situation, but overall this provides a relatively simple and accurate understanding as to what you may be experiencing. As I would tell myself multiple times throughout my experiences in India:

“You’re not lost. You’re on an adventure.”

If you know what stage you’re at, you will find that the ego will loosen its grip and you can relax more into the unfolding. Here’s a simple breakdown of each stage of transformation:

Separation - The letting go. Moving away from what we know or what is familiar. This is the metaphorical death. It is the decision to make a change for the better and embrace whatever lies ahead. It is a commitment to step into the unknown despite not knowing how it will unfold.

The Void - This is the fertile soil where the seeds are planted. The unknown. This is where real transformation occurs. Remember, this is where most people turn back because you are being invited to go within, which is unfamiliar to the majority of humans. This is where the fear really amplifies. This is the in-between phase. This is where you choose to trust, accept and let go of how you think things are going to go. Embrace the mystery. Let life surprise you.

Integration - The rebirth. Externally things may appear exactly the same, but internally you are a completely different person. This is the return of taking everything we have learned and experienced and anchoring it deeper into our daily lives. How do you bring this new version of yourself back into the world? Back into your relationship? Back into your career? Integration is about learning to navigate the next level of your journey from a higher level of awareness. It is about taking the inner changes and grounding them into the world.

What part of the transformation process do you currently find yourself in? How can you give yourself more grace and show up for yourself in more accepting ways? The more we can acknowledge the resistant parts of ourself and discover the message they’re holding, the more those parts will loosen their grip. There is a natural rhythm to each phase if we can learn how to ride the waves.

We will cover the topic of integration more in Part Two: Courage, Rebirth & Transformation. For now, let me leave you with this piece of wisdom from my heart to yours. If you’ve come this far and read these words, it’s not a coincidence. You’re meant to be here, and you have accepted the call. If I could go back in time and leave a message to my younger self, or to your younger or perhaps current self, it would be this:

I know you’re scared. I know the weight of uncertainty feels impossible to hold. You’ve been taught to cling to the familiar, to seek safety in what’s known — even when it’s suffocating you.

But you are not here to live a life of quiet survival. You are here to expand. To evolve. To become. To be.

The fear you feel is not a warning — it’s an invitation. A sign that you are standing at the doorway of something greater than you’ve ever known.

You do not need to have it all figured out. You do not need to be fearless. You only need to take one step forward.

And when you do? You will realize that the unknown was never empty. It was always holding you.

So trust. Leap. Step into the vast, beautiful, terrifying mystery of who you are becoming.

You are ready. You always were.

I’ll see you soon in the next part of the series. Until then, keep on keeping on. Love y’all.

Much Love,

Talen

COMING UP NEXT:

[PART 2]: COURAGE, REBIRTH & TRANSFORMATION 🔒

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