X
As we prepare to quantum leap into 2023, I believe that we cannot fully transform and achieve what we want until we have learned from the up’s and down’s of the previous year. The more lessons we learn and integrate, the less patterns and cycles we will need to repeat moving into the New Year. So, here are 22 lessons I learned in 2022 that have completely shifted my reality:
Embrace conflict.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. Deep down I crave harmony and peace amongst humanity, however, I had a tendency to avoid conflict under the guise of “keeping the peace.” What I quickly learned is that in order to actually grow and discover the truth, we must move through conflict, not around it. Conflict breeds creativity, and chaos breeds innovation.
Healing begins when you shed the victim mentality.
This one lesson single-handedly changed my life. So many of us are playing the victim card and we don’t even know it. 2022 taught me to take FULL accountability and ownership for everything in my life. No more blaming, complaining or explaining. You are where you are because of a string of choices you have made. And you can get yourself out through a sequence of different choices. Until you are fully honest and vulnerable with yourself about where you are giving your power away to others, you will not be able to fully heal and feel whole again. Reclaim your power.
Ask the uncomfortable questions with boldness.
What are we afraid of? Why do we often shirk in the presence of others and avoid certain questions or conversations? Be the person that voyages into no man’s land. Be the person that is willing to have those difficult conversations that will propel you forward. Face your fears with boldness.
Remove all distractions from your life if you really want to go far.
We live in a world that is intentionally designed to distract and sabotage our mind. Attention is the greatest currency, and whatever you place your sustained attention upon will grow exponentially. I am still deep in the process of mastering this lesson, but I am determined. If you really want to go far in life (however you define that), then remove all distractions and enter Monk Mode. Whether you realize it or not, we are currently in the middle of a psychological and spiritual battle. It is a battle for control of your mind.
The quality of your relationships will determine whether you grow or you wither.
As human beings, we are inherently energetic beings. What that means is that you literally adapt to your environment over time, and you will become the average of the the people you spend the most time with. This includes virtual as well. So be very cognizant about who is in your life, and ask yourself the question, “Is this person empowering me to live a better life or disempowering and draining me?” If the answer is the latter, it is time to either have a hard conversation and set some boundaries or cut that person out. Be compassionately ruthless with your energy.
Whether you like it or not, money is the exit from the Matrix.
We are moving into 2023 — whatever your background is, your history, your relationship with money, how you grew up, your trauma… none of it is relevant anymore! You can create an entirely new identity with beliefs that support your future abundance. It is time to get your house in order and to get your finances right. No more excuses. And I know this sounds harsh because so many people are struggling right now, but that is the EXACT reason why you need to become financially free. Money is the tool that you will use to help free others. To bless others. To overturn corrupt systems. To lobby better education. To buy healthier food. To invest more in yourself. To take up philanthropy. Money is not evil, it is an amplifier. It simply expands the emotions and character that are already within you. The world needs more good people with money. You are a spiritual being who is highly resourceful, and you came to this Earth with gifts and strengths. It is time to put those to use to escape the rat race. If you are a slave to the system, use that frustration and dissatisfaction as fuel to create a plan for 2023. You are more than capable, you just have to believe in yourself.
You are here to win and help others win.
You can serve others with compassion AND be the best at the same time. Don’t lower your standards. Don’t settle. Hold yourself to high expectations and be a force for good in this world. As you perform everything you do with excellence and pride, it will influence others to be their best selves, and in turn they will start to win more. Push yourself to reach your spiritual potential, and don’t stomp on others in the process but rather bring them along with you. How you do anything is how you do everything.
Adopt a Savage Mode mindset.
No one can get inside your head or under your skin. You are the only one allowed inside your head. So stop comparing, drain out all the noise, and trust yourself. Learn how to manage your emotions and stay myopically focused on where you want to go and who you want to become. Everyone has a different path. Own yours totally.
Fill your life with things that inspire you.
We greatly underestimate the power of inspiration. It’s quite literally the “breath” of life from the latin root word spirare.
Change up your bedroom
Buy a new wardrobe that fits your new powerful identity
Buy fresh organic food
Listen to uplifting music
Spend time with people that make you laugh
Work on passion projects that fill you with imagination. You get the idea.
Cooperate with others without surrendering your selfhood.
Be your own person. Don’t act or behave for the purpose of pleasing others. Remain grounded in Who You Are while also holding space for others to be who they are. This is what we call differentiation. How can I be my full self in your presence? We are going to be different, but do it together. It is the ability to love yourself and not collapse in the presence of others. How can I love myself together with you?
Learn to let go quickly. Especially with people.
This is one of those lessons that stings. It has a physiological reaction. When things or people are no longer serving you, you have to learn when it is time to let go. And I don’t mean using people (e.g. “this person no longer gives me what I want”). I am referring to relationships that are holding you back. Relationships that continually pull you down or don’t respect your worth. Addictions that are draining your life force. Habits that are keeping you in destructive loops and patterns. 2023 is the year of letting go. Choose your hard. Choose YOU.
Speak for yourself and listen to your intuition.
Don’t try to pretend that you’re just like everyone else in order to get along. You have a unique path that you are embarking upon. Don’t let the opinions and especially the ADVICE of others to overpower your own intuition. Find out exactly who you are, what you want, and then only listen to the people that embody the essence of those things. Life hack: you connect to your intuition in moments of stillness and solitude. Be willing to spend time with yourself in 2023.
Embody contagious enthusiasm.
I am still learning this lesson as I transition into 2023, therefore making it an intention of mine as well. I have come to learn (through many comedic and painful lessons) that life is cyclical. The lows never remain lows. And the highs never remain highs. So if we can embody more intentional enthusiasm throughout this journey of life, it will remove the drudgery of the lows and amplify the joy of the highs. Enthusiasm is a superpower.
Fear of commitment is what is holding you back.
I have a fear of commitment. This was a hard pill for me to swallow this year as I really continued to do my own shadow work and go deeper and deeper into my own psyche. I like having options. I like my space. I like tasting everything that life has to offer. But this year I learned that my lack of commitment was robbing me of the beauty of depth. Commitment unlocks the door of imagination and allows us to turn our dreams into reality as we jump into the unknown. In 2023, I commit to being fully committed.
Play to your strengths. Lift yourself up and speak highly of yourself.
How you speak to yourself is more powerful than you think. Speak positively. Your self-talk can alter your entire brain chemistry and reduce your stress levels. Your self-talk can plant fresh, new seeds into the garden of your subconscious mind. Alternatively, your self-talk can absolutely destroy your perception of yourself and what you believe your are worth. In other words… watch what you say. Words are spells.
Meet your struggles with less resistance.
Allow adversity and fear to mold you into a sharper and more intentional human being. It’s not “Why is this happening to me?” but rather “What is this teaching me?” Once we switch our perception to why these “good” or “bad” things are happening to us, we begin to resist less and find more peace. We move through the struggles quicker because we are learning the lessons quicker. Be more objective and realize that the Universe isn’t out to get you. You aren’t cursed. You are simply playing the game of Life. So learn the cheat codes.
You get what you tolerate.
You teach people how to treat you. End of story.
You are your own worst enemy. The only thing holding you back is yourself.
Out of this entire list, this one was the most uncomfortable lesson for me to learn. I was so unaware of how much I was sabotaging myself and getting in my own way (and still do sometimes). Listening to that voice of doubt and obscurity. Truly, the only thing holding you back from achieving the life you desire is YOURSELF. This includes your beliefs about what you deserve, how you talk to yourself, how you let others treat you, and how much you invest in yourself. Be willing to face the hard truths if you want to grow. Be willing to invest in yourself constantly. Become comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Discipline creates constructive freedom.
True freedom is impossible without a mind made free by discipline. This is one of the great paradoxes of life. Your free agency is limited by your awareness. The more conscious and aware you become, the more choices you have. However, in order to rise into a higher awareness we must no longer be a slave to our thoughts, emotions and actions. Are you truly free if people can still trigger you? Are you truly free if you are a slave to your addictions? Are you truly free if you can’t calm the mind? The more disciplined you become, the more freedom you can touch.
Lead with the heart, serve with the mind.
My personal goal of 2022 was to lead more from the heart. To make choices from my heart and not from my head. Tapping more into the feminine energy and releasing the control and grip of the masculine energy. The heart is about expansion, creativity, surrender and understanding. The mind is about precision, details, strategy and action. You need both. Just make sure that the heart is taking the lead.
Frequency precedes form. Vibration precedes manifestation. You win before you play the game.
Out of all the lessons, this one shifted me the most on an emotional and spiritual level. This is about understanding the laws of the Universe. There is a certain rhythm and order to this world, no matter how chaotic it might seem on the outside. In order to truly manifest and create the life you want, it must first begin internally. As within, so without. We measure frequency and vibration as emotions in this 3D reality. You have to FEEL the reality that you want before it arrives. You must vibrationally get ahead of your current circumstances and maintain a mindset of expecting good things to come. You must win in your heart and mind before you even step foot in the arena. This is the hidden, ancient secret. In the words of Victoria Erickson,
“If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself. This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.”
Love yourself enough to be brutally honest with yourself.
Where are you falling short? And where do you need to give yourself more credit and love?
This is real self-love. Not the salt baths, the green matcha’s or the indulgent Netflix and eating ice cream. If you truly love yourself then you are willing to look at your own shadows. You extend love, patience and understanding to those self-rejected parts of you. Where is your ego getting in the way? Do you struggle to be wrong? Are you afraid to fail? Why? Do the work to figure out these answers.
And even more important, celebrate the small wins. Journal 15 things every single night that you did really well that day. Moments where you showed up and were true to yourself. Moments where you could have taken the easy road, and you didn’t. The more you focus on these moments, the more proud of yourself you become, the more confident you become and the more loving you become to yourself and to others. Doing the inner work is practical and makes the world a better place.
I hope that you enjoyed this post and you took something from it! I would love to hear the lessons that you learned in 2022. As an end-of-the-year activity, feel free to take some time by yourself to really contemplate how the year went for you. What didn’t go as planned? What did your challenges teach you? What were the most joyous moments? And what did you learn from all of these experiences?
If you’re open to sharing your lessons, send a message to @talenbarney or email me at info@talenbarney.com and I would love to see what you have learned this year and respond back with my thoughts.
REMEMBER… You are the the captain of your destiny and the master of your fate. Do not let anyone tell you what you can or cannot achieve in this life. You can have it all. The question is,
How far are you willing to go in order to discover what you are truly capable of?
X
TALEN