5 years ago, I entered into what would be the most challenging, trying & darkest season of my life. A cycle that was a slow burn. Little by little, purging and burning anything inside of me that didn’t serve the future higher version of myself that I desired to become. Be careful what you wish for. Every area of my life was put under pressure. A spiritual litmus test if you will.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, creatively and financially I was broken down time and time again. It’s like the Universe was leaving no room for anything that couldn’t withstand the pressure. Then, I would attempt to rebuild, learning as much and as fast as I could to become suitable for the energy I wanted to call in, only to be shown more and more holes in my ship that needed to be tended to. More growth needed, more healing, and more vision. It’s been a 5 year journey of non-stop expansion, discomfort and at times what seemed like a hopeless cause. I remember nights I would just cry and pray for an out. For someone to come save me or simply show me the “way.”
What I didn’t realize then that I realize now is that my personal power comes from my personal experience. From trial and error. My ability to help others and to manifest my vision for a better world stems from living life to the fullest. From going after every dream I’ve ever had, and from following every curiosity that came into my heart, despite the risk. Despite how crazy and illogical it seemed to others.
Life is very complex, and at the same time, it’s extremely binary. I got to a point where I finally asked myself, “What’s the alternative?” To stay depressed and powerless? To stay broke? To remain unhappy and a victim to life? Like for real… what’s the alternative? And when you ask that question to yourself enough times, the weight of it starts to hit you like a force unparalleled. You realize that life comes down to choices. Decisions. Habits. States of being. You can only be in one state at a time… either you are in creation, or you are in victim. Power or primal. Are you the voice or the echo? The hammer or the nail? The paintbrush or the canvas? You decide. You don’t always get to call the shots of your circumstances and what life deals you. In fact, hardly ever. Life can be disproportionately unfair. So move beyond it. Circumstances don’t make the man, they reveal him. So what is your current challenge revealing about yourself? Because it’s molding you into a better version, but you can’t reach that version until you sit in the chaos and embrace the molding process.
Life and personal growth is about teetering between two extremes. On one side of the swinging pendulum, you are perfect as you are. Nothing can add to or take away from the worth of your Soul. You are an infinite expression of the divine experiencing itself. We are interconnected, holistic spiritual beings having a human experience. We are all One. We are divine. AND…. at the same time, you can do better. The other extreme of the pendulum shows you who you are here to become. You are here to push, to grow, to expand, to evolve, and to live 1,000 deaths so that you may experience 1,001 beautiful re-births into the new you. The next version of your highest Divine Self. You are here to prove to yourself that you are more powerful than you realize. You are here to call in that power and step deliberately and intentionally into that power. To claim who you really are. And that journey will require you to dig extremely f*ckin deep. It will push you past your limits, only to discover that you are more capable than you assumed. But you CANNOT and WILL NOT discover that truth until you commit to the process of doing whatever it takes to become your dream Self. To become someone that you are truly proud of. And only you can determine that. Not me, not society, not anyone.
At the end of the day, the only thing that actually matters is how you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself. Because that mindset and feeling and conviction will then ripple outwards and effect how you treat others. It will change how you show up in the world, and it will influence every subtle energy and perception around you. The way that you feel about yourself will not only determine how fully you heal, but how powerfully you are able to help others heal themselves. And if I know anything about human behavior, we are wired to serve. Every person deep down CRAVES to be of service. To contribute. And it all hinges upon first learning how to serve yourself fully and completely with unconditional love.
5 years later, each of those five pillars I mentioned have been fortified, tested and strengthened. They’ve become in a sense, incorruptible. They’ve been through too much pressure and fire to bend or go crooked. I’m so far from perfect and I’m a complete beginner in this game of life. There’s so much I don’t know. I’m just barely beginning and I have a long way to go before I’ve reached my ideal higher self, but what I can say is that I’m finally over the hump. I’m on the other side of the fire. I’m no longer the same person. If the last time you knew me was even a year ago, you don’t know me. And that’s the whole purpose of life is it not? We are constant evolving expressions ebbing and flowing through this tapestry of matter. My story is not a sexy one at all. There was no magic pill or grand epiphany that led me to where I am today.
In fact, I could probably narrow it down to about eight small foundational changes that compounded exponentially over the past five years.
Habits
Practicality
Health
Environment
Relationships
Mindset
Creation
Spirituality
An even split of Masculine + Feminine energy. Some of these will seem obvious to you, others may seem a little random, perhaps even unimportant. But these are essentially the changes that brought about a life that would be unrecognizable to the Talen who started this journey. The details will vary quite a bit from other peoples perceptions or how they define the words, but that’s the macro takeaway. I won’t go into detail right now on these eight changes, but that’s the unsexy story. A very riveting, adventurous and unorthodox story, yes. But not effortless or sexy. And I think that’s what has made it so beautiful.
I am the person I am today because of my scars. Because of my wounds. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. My imprints from trial and error is what makes me so sure of myself. It’s what helps me speak with power. It’s what helps me be deeply empathetic and compassionate for those who are in the middle of the fire. My understanding of human behavior comes from being in the fire myself. For years on end. When I work with people or rub shoulders with others, I often get the same comment over and over. My energy. What you see is what you get. I’m calm, transparent, honest, bold, and precise. I believe in efficiency, because I believe we can do better… in the most loving and non-critical way. Because if we start to improve our personal lives and the world around us, we start to FEEL better. And feeling is healing. What we feel and see, we transmute. And as you start to heal more because you’re feeling more, you start to improve incrementally all the areas of your life. They’re all connected. And when you improve the quality of your life, you gain more energy to then help others heal and evolve. It’s contagious. It’s real.
I don’t believe in balance. I believe in harmony and resonance. I believe in equilibrium and equanimity. But not balance. It doesn’t exist because it’s a process, not an outcome. In life there is duality. Polarity. And if you take two extremes or opposites, you will always be heavier on one side than the other, even if it’s only by 1%. Evolution blossoms from polar opposites. That’s where growth occurs. Friction creates the spark. You learn how to swim in the deep end, not the shallow. Growth happens in the extremes. It’s chaotic and disproportionately unbalanced, but that’s where the real growth happens. We are meant to push beyond the edges, and then learn how to restore a new threshold of homeostasis. That is spiritual evolution.
That’s why I believe in efficiency. That’s why I believe in practicality (don’t get that confused with realism. I’m the furthest thing from a realist). I believe in being a dreamer, in simply BEING and magnetizing your life towards you. But I also believe in doing and executing. I believe in being a practitioner. You need both. I believe in doing and focusing on what actually works. What actually influences sustainable and lasting change. I live, work and breathe in the industry of transformation. That was my real life test. It was five years of deep transformation so that I could understand and know what it actually takes to change who you are. To alter your identity on a cellular and emotional level. I believe in focusing on what you CAN control. I believe in flow, not force. I believe in surrender, not insistence. I believe that you are worthy of all your desires. I believe that you deserve to be wealthy. Because money is energy, and a powerful one at that. Let’s all be honest, it runs the world. Money is not evil. We simply need more money in the hands of good people. So I believe you deserve to go after what you want in order to become the person you want to become. DECIDE IT. DECLARE IT. ACHIEVE IT. ⚡️
And for those of you still in the dark, my heart goes out to you. I have zero shame in being vulnerable. I have zero hesitancy in talking about the darkness that shaped me. So reach out if you feel the need. I’ve been there so that I could then guide others through it. Maybe help a few people with the things I learned. To show a better way to do it. A faster way to heal. A more straight path towards joy and bliss. Let my mistakes be your wisdom. It is possible. I promise. I’m living proof. So just remember, this too shall pass. Do not give up. What’s the alternative? Choose your hard. Choose yourself. Choose your choices. Be proud of your scars. And start aligning and moving towards the highest version of YOU that you’ve always dreamt of being. It’s waiting for you.